I went out last night with a couple friends for karaoke and a few drinks. After picking up the crew, I decided to partake in a 300ml brownie to take my mind off the shit life I’ve seemed to find myself in…
I WAS sober for 2 weeks
The entire night and my choices were a terrible fucking idea.
I HAD been good for 2 weeks
I was DD, but my sobriety wasn’t the issue. My promise to get my friends home, was the issue–when things started to go awry, at home…. with mom.
The dogs were going off on the neighbors(fucking kids balls in my backyard); Mom’s arm was swelling and a huge knot had hardened(I was an hour away and she was angry).
I called my ex-fiance(yes, that one); He got the dogs closed up and the ball back to the neighbor’s visiting kids. I called my middle sister, only 20 months older than myself(but less judgmental than her counterpart, 9 years my senior); they got mom to the hospital.
Blood clot from her neck down through her arm.
When I got my friends to our destination, I received the news. At this point, the celebratory brownie had me in overwhelming panxiety mode:
*I couldn’t see straight
*My arms were in pain and jelly-like
*I couldn’t sit still
*My brain was in convulsions
*I was sure I was stuck
*My life was no longer my own.
* I couldn’t make eye contact
*My body was rejecting the high
Insert .5mg Xanax
Nobody understands enough to properly care. It’s time to start depending on myself alone, again. Nobody can let you down if you have no expectations. Apparently I can’t be relied on either.