One+One=Two With Depression and A Million Questions

I don’t know what made me think I wanted to start dating again. In December, I downloaded a few dating apps, inevitably went through two terrible dates and an epistolary novel’s worth’s of messages, until I met a man who I was thoroughly intrigued by.

We started messaging the day after my 33rd birthday. Met in person a little over a month later, and have been sporadically seeing each other since then.

By sporadically, I mean I typically only see him once a week, if that. He’s 4 years older than I am, with two preteens in tow and a phenomenal pup! 🖤

We both have dealt with depression and medication withdrawals over the period we’ve been seeing each other, and it leaves me at a loss(I believe), at times. It’s so hard, wanting to be with him, yet seemingly always missing the chance: work, kids, finances… mental health.

“You live and love too far away,” he says.

“Do I?” I’m confused. But, at least he knows I love.

In these days of courtship, since January 25th, 2019 I have loved, but have I been loved? And is love really the adequate word? Maybe there is potential; maybe I accidentally said so, on the first night we were intimate–but I quickly corrected myself with another statement.

Freudian slip?

I asked him if he’d rather just be friends.

He responded with a vague response, lacking an answer. That was a week ago, but I went to see him 4 days ago and we spent the earliest hours of the morning in each other’s intoxicated arms.

Alongside my overwhelming anxiety disorder… I just feel like I’m losing my spark a little.

There are others, in my social circle, vying for my affection, but I want his, I think. He’s the only candidate within 1,204.5 miles that I sincerely care for…

Have you dated someone with depression? How is it different? I’m constantly overthinking our status, yet so slow to question our relationship. I guess I don’t want it to end, but I’m so tired of being in the dark–pushing my mental health to the brink of madness.

5 thoughts on “One+One=Two With Depression and A Million Questions

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  1. My Husband and I both deal with severe depression. It’s hard but it’s worth it if you care abotu each other. That said: Depression or not, communication is the only way a relationship works. And you either commit to that, the both of you, or you leave. It’s easier said than done, but they’re necessary words to have spoken.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ugh, that is where we are lacking… communication. I nearly feel like giving up on exclusivity, but he’s the only man I’ve even attempted to date since I left my fiancé of 7 years, 2 years ago. My gut is telling me to move on, but I’m not positive I shouldn’t make him aware of this, prior to taking that step.

      Liked by 1 person

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