You were inclusive that night, Including everything but me, It seemed. Anything but sweet, Morning love interacted with yesterday’s moonshine, Everything aside from “neat“ But that’s sweet, Never can be beat Everyone is rooting against us— It seems you are too. Still, I love you, it seems. Hurting is not your fault, Just my perception... Continue Reading →
I’m tired of her shit. Tired of her anger Her lackadaisical nature. I’m tired of her grief And the lack thereof, Her inability to breathe Under an economy so bleak. No simple curtail is in order, She’ll rely on prompt compression For decompression. Her serotonin, soon lonesome Finding notions of emotions, Once flowing. So goodbye,... Continue Reading →
Calloused hands don’t determine the dexterity, one has to offer. Tan lines on imperfect bodies are hard to swallow. Similar journey’s began untarnished, ignorant and lackadaisical. Later Quests fulfilled with a variety of abandonment and astonishments. I’d rather life start taking body parts, dismembering my heart first.
Once again, dawning my robe Thinking of you. Yours, and how comfortable-- In blue. 🎶My mother told me that world has got it's plans. I wanna hold 'em till they burn right through my hands.🎶 That ice on my skin, Burning numb And swallowing me. Like protein and smoke. 🎶But rising on up and then... Continue Reading →
Yet, I surmise, I'm subjective. Selectively enclosed in a soft shell of a shrine I've studied for years--shuddering amongst the lies of myself and others. Silence is suggestive, occasionally, and I surround myself with sorrowful shadows of past and present, salacious endeavors. And, I still surmise, I'm sensationally objective . Serenading the symbols and symptoms... Continue Reading →
If I liked myself more. I'd care about him less. * If I didn't have a thought, I'd already be got. * If I weren't so broken If I weren't left choking-- While it's soaking in * Give Give Give * Taking nothing away Only fully led astray * And it was worthless You were... Continue Reading →
Itching, Eternally Feeling, Physical Bites, Bumps-- Weeks old but still blunt. * Just like her presence In your bed I scratch and it stings Lacerations bleed.
He couldn't make me cry this time. He only made the nerves cringe And shake--forced to take... A bar. * He couldn't make me see his side. He claims it wasn't a lying binge. But that trust is covered in rust, Lodestar.
Sometimes, I just cry. Even on my meds. Little things-- Mom's granola bar, 10 months past expiration. His invitations My fur-babies. My refrigerator My 600lb life. Out of Xanax. Out of money. Out of family. Just cry, baby girl. Just cry.
I'm in another funk-- Self-induced and Mind boggling It's what I do. Destroy myself My happy Perpetually Underestimating Overthinking.... Calling myself A Cunt.
And.... If you aren't Someone-- To someone, Who Is someone To you... Do you... Stretch? Do you Cry? But.... What if Zoloft Or Buspar... Say, "no, Bitch." So you go. You go, And you Instigate The stories, Impositions. And... Quandaries Of contempt, For Xanax... For Your Choices.
Potent Fun Anxiety Induced Haze. Do you see anyone other than me? Baby, please I'll take a hit of whatever you got Maybe two, maybe three Oh you're phenomenal, feel like a domino, fall to my knees I am a malady, you are my galaxy, my sweet reliefTired So damn Tired Of this Haze
🎼Go ahead and watch my heart burn With the fire that you started in me But I'll never let you back to put it out🎼 "He wasn't going to come back," I thought to myself. He was going to be the love I lost for no reason--and he hurt ME! He destroyed the Love I... Continue Reading →
Cheer up, baby girl. * I love you, Dani. * As my mother laid in bed, on her first evening in hospice--June 11, 2019, I sat to her right side, held her hand and bawled my eyes out. The last coherent words, were for me: "Cheer up, baby girl." On the morning of January 12,... Continue Reading →
Sisters-- It's said their sparks Are supposedly, Not sporadically Sensational in sequestering Solidarity. * Your Starburst Seemingly lacks Sisterly spirit. She splinters, She solemnly sleeps In severe solitude. * Her sisters Sentencing her Severely, ceaselessly Shoulder to shoulder Side by side. Sister-like. * Speechless I subside Inside, outside Inside, outside Sleeplessness Suggests This sheep is... Continue Reading →
I can only assume this stems from an "ignorance is bliss" platform, but nonetheless I will always choose hard truths. I've been beaten and bruised, internally, for far too long and it diminishes my capacity to trust. Ignorance is not bliss; Thoreau wanted the masses educated, but even in that we find a double edged... Continue Reading →
Like the one My dad stuffed With his gun, That time I thought... Like the one I found his stash Of stems and seeds, The last sack he bought. Like the one That sits in my office, Fifteen years later, Visitors sit in that chair. * Like the one My sister bought She brought it... Continue Reading →
It's back I have the flame To prove it. It burns The skin, Unthinkably Torching The unfeeling The undead. I picked a flower Simultaneously Throwing it Back down To the ground. Unnecessary Spoils Of war.
I went out last night with a couple friends for karaoke and a few drinks. After picking up the crew, I decided to partake in a 300ml brownie to take my mind off the shit life I've seemed to find myself in... I WAS sober for 2 weeksThe entire night and my choices were a... Continue Reading →
I cried all night And into the morning. I woke up late And into reality. Puffy eyes mean Double the eyeliner. Puffy eyes mean Today's tears come easy. Too easy at work Too easy in the mirror Too easy with side hugs Too easy like this storm. And it feels like hail.
My stomach is telling me that I'm hungry, but at my pill pusher appointment today my weight was down 10 pounds. He also increased my Zoloft 50% because of the depression. It's not that I'm trying to lose weight, but it was nice that I didn't have to do any work. Waste not, want not:... Continue Reading →
I hope. Because hope is all I have left. Nothing solidified. Constantly waning through Overdrawn accounts Undervalued character Overused emotions Underused meds Overwhelming doubt Underwhelming encounters Overzealous opinions Underdeveloped romance. Here's to hoping.
Followed by 36 hours in bed. Or 40 something hours... I just woke up and don't feel like doing the math. I'm exhausted I need a shower and a pack of smokes. *** Insert Shower *** Roll another smoke from my pouch of Bugler. *** I'm tired of making poor choices but they always seem... Continue Reading →
A few nights back I did something I never thought I had in me... I stabbed the Sheetrock with a pair of scissors, out of general, full blown, tear-filled... RAGE. My response was first shock, at my ability to do something so unlike me... secondly, I chose a different tool, a 14 inch paint brush,... Continue Reading →