“I went to the woods to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” We arrived after dark, fell into the pillow top mattress, cracked a beer and... Continue Reading →
Recently I've become rather close to one of my friends and last night, after hours of confused crying and doubling up on my Xanax at her place, I was invited on an all expenses paid, weekend getaway with she and her fiancé. Last night they asked; this morning I forgot. Last night I cried and... Continue Reading →
It's been storming in Kansas. Flooding, and the like. Tornadoes have been spiking- Lives lost, unsportsmanlike. * I sip boxed wine, from a plastic cup, Taken from my favorite spot. Thunder and lightening, feelings galore, A missed trip to the drugstore. Another Saturday at home, It's what I'm doing now. Drinking wine; wasting time. Asking... Continue Reading →
I cried all night And into the morning. I woke up late And into reality. Puffy eyes mean Double the eyeliner. Puffy eyes mean Today's tears come easy. Too easy at work Too easy in the mirror Too easy with side hugs Too easy like this storm. And it feels like hail.
And it has been over 2 months since my last rambles, but I think I'm ready to talk again. Time is just a number we juxtapose with others. My pill pusher upped my Zoloft to 100mg; Buspar down to 15mg; my Xanax intake is down 30% since I last wrote. That familiar old numb feeling.... Continue Reading →
I'm listening to him snore. Tonight, It's 12am and he fell asleep With his earbuds in The mouthpiece likely Sits near his neck. The vibration of his breathing is Intoxicating Supplementary. Because there is something lacking As I lean on his breath. But how can it be lacking If it's never been there?
http://www.youtube.com/watch SNL Skit Oh my goodness! March Madness and SNL skits on anxiety to go with it?!?! Had to share. Love feeling a bit more commercialized as a "normal". So, I feel like this is an outrageous skit... but I LOVE it! And it may be solely to the fact I've only dealt with my... Continue Reading →
March Madness is the only time of year when the madness around me far surpasses my own— Happy Madness to all! via My March Madness Fact
Culture Comes to Kansas for a Lady https://peeingonmute.wordpress.com/2018/03/03/culture-comes-to-kansas-for-a-lady/ — Read on peeingonmute.wordpress.com/2018/03/03/culture-comes-to-kansas-for-a-lady/
Today I contacted my Alma Mater in regards to getting a second Master's Degree in Public Administration. Apparently: I have a profound desire to make the world(my community) a better place; I love intellectual stimulation; I NEED to get out of KS; I refuse to teach HS English with my first Graduate Degree; I refuse... Continue Reading →
So, I'm not going to lie--yesterday I took twice my prescribed dose of Xanax. But I also voyaged on my first solo road trip.... Ever! At 32 years old! I drove 9 hours West of home and with the grace of God, I made it to my destination in one piece. Today, I am looking... Continue Reading →
So there is vino In my veins. There is moonlight In my shame-- Which bewilders My counterclaim. * So I may be weak But utterly cognizant Of my aim. To regain My flaming Confidence. * And I take steps. I break frets. I steal nets Which catch me In my own depths. * Of self-righteousness--... Continue Reading →
Everything clicked today. Well, not everything, of course, but in 50degree weather, I braved out into the world and contemplated some of my demons. At one point, I felt the endorphins in my body release and that old feeling of contentment enveloped me. I had errands to run: I needed to pick up some blank... Continue Reading →